It's gross but kinda funny

I threw up a lot as a kid... bare minimum twice a month. It was partially because I have a shitty immune system, partially because I had (have) panic attacks. I've gotten a bit better on both issues, but I still throw up almost every time I get sick with anything. I don't do it on purpose. That being said, I have favorite stories:

I was alone in my house at night, most of the lights off. There was no warning, just the instant 'Oh God it's happening RIGHT NOW' feeling. I almost made it to the bathroom, but ended up puking on the floor. It was so much darker than vomit should ever be.

I distinctly remember calmly thinking "Is this blood? Which part of my body is shutting down? Is throwing up blood kidney or liver failure? No one is here to take me to the hospital."

Thankfully, it was just spaghetti. It's nice to not have internal bleeding.

There was the time I tried to drink myself into oblivion after a godawful day. I was impatient and wanted to be drunk immediately... too much, too fast, empty stomach. I puked everything I've ever eaten. The next day my friend tried consoling me, telling me to "puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon." It was surprisingly helpful. Since then, every single time I vomit I think of dragons.

The absolute best story was the movies. No, I didn't puke in the theater. It would make for a more dramatic ending, though more humiliating than I think I'd admit to the internet. It was close, don't get me wrong.

I refused to run to the bathroom to save my dignity, which in hindsight was a bad idea. It would've given me the extra few seconds to get into a stall, close the door, and position myself in front of the toilet. My dumb ass walked and barely got inside a stall. There was no time for anything else.

There's projectile and then there's what I did. I exploded. It went everywhere. EVERYWHERE. On the seat, on the top and sides of the tank, every side of the bowl, the back of the toilet, on the stall walls, covered the floor.

EXPLODED.

Maybe 20% actually got in the toilet. I cleaned up and almost threw up again just because I was so disgusted. Then I found one of the employees, explained the situation, said it just needed to be disinfected. This made me miss the majority of the movie, which I had been looking forward to seeing for the past month or so.

To make this story even better- this was in the middle of a pregnancy scare. My boyfriend at the time didn't make the connection until the next day. Luckily it was just the flu. I wasn't (nor have I ever been) pregnant.

Then there are memorable stories of being sick in elementary, middle and high school. The trip to california where I threw up at least once a day. If I go too long without eating. All of the carsick stories (lots and lots). Like I said, I puke a lot. It sucks.