I'm somewhat notorious for quoting my friends' weird comments or our conversations on facebook. It's bad... really, really bad. As we're talking, my mom will outright say "Don't you dare put that on facebook!" She's usually too late.
Without further ado, here:
"Oh my God you're a terrible person... how are you so stupid... why are we still friends? I'm going to stab you... you're really fucking creepy... I'm going to kill you... just go away" -naomi (all of this directed AT ME)
"Happy slim thug day. Do what you do but don't get caught." -dad
"Either throw it away now or later... unless you want to be known as 'puke boobs.' I can honestly say that's never happened to me"- mom, in reference to the cat puking in my bra on the floor
"What does 'per' mean in latin? I need it for my medical terminology paper." -naomi
"It means 'happy cat sound'". -dad
"Go to sleep!" -mom
"I'm sick, you can't tell me what to do" -me
"I can too! If I don't sleep I can't care for you. Ya little shit! Go to fucking sleep or I'll come in there and choke you!!" -mom
"Hey kiddo, blow your nose. You have a trail of snot running down your face and it's gross." -me
"Yeah, I have an army of boogers. I am a mess." -jacob (my nephew)
"Oh yeah, we used to steal your halloween candy. Mostly chocolate. I never took as many as your father... Your father is a chocolate whore." -mom
"You're so cute." -mom
(I make an ugly face)
"Am I cute now?" -me
"Yes. Retarded, but cute." -mom
"I LOVE CHAINSAWING! I think my chainsaw is my new favorite tool! It's like riding a motorcycle with razorblades attached!" -John
"Cake fucking. Yes." -phillip
"we can only dream math will be sexy one day" -phillip
"Oh this tastes like love" -me
"Eww" -phillip
"I didn't say it tastes like sex, I said it tastes like love." -me
"Eww" -phillip
"Sometimes I wish my mother was a midget" -taylor
"I love you... WITH AN IRON FIST!" -taylor
"He's a Christmas horse. And he has a bow on his butt. If I ever got a horse as a present I'd want one with a bow on its butt." -amanda
"Quit attacking me with your pelvis!" -amanda
"We're fighting killer ninjas and zombies. Are they zonjas? Or ninjies? I don't know" -mike
"Why is he wearing those glasses?" -chuck
"His name is Greggy. Do I have to say more?" -me
"But those glasses don't make me want to have sex with him" -chuck
"That's the only good part of today. She pooped her pants. She walked to the office with poopy pants to get her blood drawn and give us her poop. I never want to see poop or pee again." -naomi
"I'm going to have to unplug your xbox" - Courtney
"Whoa whoa whoa!"- Mike G
"Dude, calm your tits" -me
"No! These tits will not be calmed!" -Mike G
I can't help that my friends and I have some bizarre conversations; it's why I keep them as friends. I need to share the wealth of our awesome lives. It's not my fault that it's slightly and/or uncomfortably awkward out of context.
