Hypochondriac

I'm always convinced I'm dying. It's pathetic, really. I've gotten better, but for the longest time stomach ache = cancer and exceptional headache = brain tumor. I do have legitimate migraines, but that explanation didn't sound dramatic enough. The internet is a dangerous tool for hypochondriacs.

Recently I firmly believed I had a kidney stone. This wasn't just me being a whiney brat. I resisted going on webmd for the longest time, trying not to move as my lower back felt like it was being squeezed in a vice. It hurt to breathe and even my shirt touching me was horrible. I was damn near crying by the time I texted my brother's girlfriend (who has had kidney stones on 2 separate occasions) to ask how it felt. She said uber pain in mid to lower back and that standing/sitting made it worse. She said call mom and possibly go to the hospital.

Mom and dad were downtown with their friends and hadn't taken their car, so they were stuck. Mom said call someone to drive me to an emergency clinic. Luckily my friend Courtney was available. We got to the place and she had to fill out the paperwork for me.

As it turns out, kidneys are further up than most people think- the bottom of the rib cage, more or less. Mine was bottom of rib cage down to my hips, all the way across my back. This wasn't a kidney stone, just severe back muscle spasms. Either way, this shit wasn't cool. I got a painkiller shot in the butt that helped a little... after a while. I always thought people were whining about that shot hurting. How much worse could it be than a normal needle? A lot, that's how much! Admittedly my pain tolerance is on the low scale, but Courtney said the needle was huge and the nurse left it in longer than necessary.

That helped just enough so walking didn't feel like death, but I still opted to lay down in Courtney's car on the drive home. I got two bottles of pain killer/muscle relaxers and a mystery bottle I still have no idea what it's for. I only used them for the first 2 days afterwards, mostly sticking to a heating pad and not moving.

The bummer is I'm (truly) anemic, so that spot where I was shot bruised and still is... a week later. Almost a month ago I tripped over and fell on (in one flailing motion) my nephew's walker and bruised the shit out of my knees. They're still there. Faint, but there.

This means my butt bruise is never going to heal :[

Pet Peeves

I need a moment to bitch about everything and everyone. Some things in no particular order:

• Go the speed limit or faster. Seriously, it's Texas people. Speed limits are a suggestion- go the fuck faster.
• Don't talk during movies. I don't care if it's in public or at someone's house, just shut your face and watch.
• Don't chew with your mouth open, smack when you chew, or talk with your mouth full (unless you cover with your hand, I can accept that).
• It's liBRARY, not liBERRY. You can't eat it.
• ASK, not AXE.
• Seen verses saw. 
• Your, not UR. Also, your is vastly different than you're.
• Definite and defiant are not interchangeable. 
• Angry birds. I don't know why, I just do.
• Jersey Shore, 16 and pregnant, and any reality show vaguely like that. 
• Religious zealots. It doesn't matter which religion, don't cram it down my throat. If I have questions about yours, I'll ask. Likewise, if you have questions about mine, I'll answer. I have a religion; you have one. Congrats and go away.
• Vanity plates. Way to be a douche.
• Bumper stickers. I hate them almost as much as vanity plates. I'm not sure why on that one either.
• Homophobes. I'm straight, but I have several gay friends that are fantastic people.
• Don't tell me the end of books.
• Don't break spines of books. Also don't fold a lot of pages. A few is fine, but if it's every few pages, get a damn bookmark.
• Saying gay or retarded instead of shitty or terrible.
• The words fag, pussy, or cunt. I felt uncomfortable typing them, honestly.
• If people don't hold the door open for someone else- especially for old people or women with children/strollers. I judge very strongly on that. If a person doesn't say thank you to the person holding the door (especially if it's me).
• Joan Rivers, Jimmy Kimmel, Tom Cruise and Jimmy Fallon. I'm not fond of Katie Holmes.
• Twilight and Stephanie Meyers.
• Twilight fans. Go die please.
• People who are mean to waiter(esses) for no reason.
• Girls dressing like sluts.
• Kim Kardashian

I'm not an angry person. I'm sick, so everything that irritates me is coming out full swing. It's like every 2 weeks I get sick, better, sick, better, sick... 

Alright, I'm done ranting. I'm going to go die now.