Uncomfortable Email Skank

Here's a post to distract myself from how much I hate everything school related. Why do I have to sign up for 5 different websites to turn stuff in? Why aren't ANY of these bastards letting me log in? Yeah, I'm pissed. Anyways...

I'm going through my spam email (something I've never, ever done) and I have one from someone named Adriana. I don't know her; she clearly has the wrong person. I am definitely not a dude. It's both funny and weird. All typos from this point on are entirely on purpose. It's painful.

Essentially, she's moving RIGHT EFFING NEAR me and I'm the only person she knows, aside from 3 cousins, but she cant chill with them. "We've" talked about chillin before and now that she's single we can. "I" told her she was cute and she "thoguth" I was cute too. She's 23, a virgo (thanks for including that. Horoscopes are the only valid way to summarize personality), has a cat, and is "a super horny gurl... ilove p0rn."

Awkward. It gets worse.

When she moves down here enxt week she needs a job- do I have any hookups? Right now she works from home and even though she CULD continue with that job she has, she'd prefer anythign for a change. She's on one of those nude webcam websites doing exactly what you'd expect. In her own words:

"i figure iim horny anyways why not get paid to chat with people and play with myself heheh...anyways i hope u dont look down on that and NO THATS NOT WHY IM CONTACTING U RELAX URSELF lol"

She then proceeds to give me a link for 3 free codes to "chat wit her" since it's the only way to contact her these days, but said if I login  "ill shoot u myc ell number and u can gimme yours.." But she warned if I shared that code with anyone else "ILL KICK U IN THE BALLS INSTEAD OF LICK U IN THE BALLS WHEN IS EE U"

Obviously this negates the whole pretense of giving the code to only chat, not see her get naked and...

She signed off by saying xoxox Adriana.




So yeah...that happened.

Creepy Sleeper

I've always talked in my sleep. Literally always. I still do, quite a lot, but I've started sleepwalking again. I used to do it all the time as a kid, but it's fairly rare these days. That's probably why it's particularly disturbing.

For instance, a few years ago my mom found me standing in the bathroom with my forehead against the wall. It was about 4 am. My eyes were open, but it was obvious I wasn't awake. She asked if I was ok, I said I didn't know, and she led me back to my room. I didn't remember anything the next morning.

Fast forward to the present- my friend has been living with me for the past two months for school. Unfortunately for her, she is a very light sleeper. This means when my bizzare antics start she is 100% captive. I will sit straight up in bed and not do anything for several minutes- my hair covering my face. Sometimes I will make noises or speak while this is happening. You get used to this. Eventually.

The first few nights I was either silent or not noticeably doing anything out of the ordinary...which is flailing. I have always/will probably always flail. After a few nights I started quietly mumbling incoherently. That's when things went south.

One night I walked across the room and jabbed her very hard in the arm repeatedly. I shook my finger at her and yelled "WHAT IF?"..."WHAT IF?!!"and went back to my bed, laid down... immediately sat up again and yelled "WHAT IF" again. I slept for a few minutes and yelled out of nowhere. No words, just a shout.

In another recent incident I had slept over at a friend's house and stood on the bed. Not next to, ON the bed. I walked in place, nudged her with my foot repeatedly, lost my balance, fell off the bed, got back on, stared at her, then continued to nudge her. Just as quickly and abruptly, I laid back down and cuddled uncomfortably close to her. I let out a huge sigh into her ear before I went back to a normal people sleep. She said she thought I was possessed. She couldn't sleep for the rest of the night.

It's not all bad though; I am a very affectionate person. I love cuddling and spooning... but the draw-back in that is I will do it whether you want it or not. I will follow whoever it is to be next to them, no matter the size of the bed. Being in that awkward situation is better than the alternative though.

I already mentioned I flail constantly, so the only way to stay safe is to stay within spooning distance. Deal with excess body heat and personal space invasion or deal with pain. My ex usually went with the second option and told me horror stories in the morning. He stopped mentioning the kicking since it was practically every night. After a few months he even stopped telling me I slapped, punched, or elbowed him. He did tell me about the few times I shoved him into the wall or off the bed.

It was his fault for not spooning.

Apparently it's getting worse than it's ever been. In addition to talking and sitting up, I've been walking around the house, just disappearing downstairs for long periods of time.

I'm not longer surprised at all of the mystery bruises I find or the times I wake up more tired than I went to sleep. I just hope it doesn't get to the point where the doors have to be locked to keep me from escaping in the middle of the night :/