Despite my rants, I'm a non-confrontational person and my anger dissipates fairly quickly- within five minutes, usually. If it's longer than that I just need to vent and have another five minutes and then I'm fine. Anything beyond that means shit just got real.
So I was on facebook and a friend of a friend (who I've met in real life and am cool with) posted a picture of classic Barbie next to a shorter, thicker one. He captioned it with "they gave barbie a beer belly so the fat girls won't feel so fat."
For serious. I had to re-read it multiple times to make sure he really said something so dick-ish. That's a direct quote. He was just that much of a dick. It struck a chord in me.
Like most little girls, I had thought Barbie was the prettiest and I wanted to look just like her. I had even considered being a blonde because there weren't many brunette dolls, obviously meaning blondes were more valued. I consoled myself with having the same blue eyes.
Puberty screwed me up. My hips exploded overnight and I got a booty soon after. I no longer had the stick-straight figure I took for granted. Barbie didn't have curves. No one explained my hips were a result of my skeletal structure- my pelvic bone would always be the same width and nothing I could do could change that.
I spent years thinking I was fat and feeling like I was ugly since everything I tried didn't make that part thinner. All through middle and high school I was convinced: wide hips = fat.
Seeing him diss the "beer belly Barbie" made something in me snap. I had read about this barbie a few months back and fully supported it. She didn't have a beer gut; she wasn't fat. She was a normal woman. The artist had taken the statistics of the average 19 year old American girl and scaled it down to create a realistic doll.
At first glance she does look chubby and awkwardly short in comparison (with a really big butt). Everything about her looks more exaggerated until you think about the women you see on a regular basis. Ever since I can remember I've heard people talk about how unrealistic Barbie is, but to see how drastic of a difference there still took me a second to process. Do I seriously look like that? The more I thought of it, the more I agreed with the modern version... especially the butt.
I couldn't let go or stop myself. Here's what he got:
"the whole point of this version of barbie was to show the proportion of the average woman so little girls won't compare themselves to an unobtainable standard of beauty and feel like shit about themselves."
I added this link:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2308658/How-Barbies-body-size-look-real-life-Walking-fours-missing-half-liver-inches-intestine.html
Perhaps I was too harsh with my comment. Actually, no. I was nicer than I wanted to be. Much, much nicer. He's lucky I took moment to calm the fuck down. It didn't work. I read his post and tried to brush it off. I came back an hour later and had to respond. I tried to be as diplomatic as I possibly could- I can get really fucking mean if I give myself permission to go into full-blown bitch mode. Sometimes heartless.
It's been three hours and he is always on facebook.
One of his friends liked my comment.
He has yet to respond.
I fucking win.
For the record, I'm comfortable with my body now. Ironically, I think my hips are one of my best features.
Saturday, September 28, 2013
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Bullshitter Extraordinaire
My favorite slacker story- the summer before last I had to take ballet to fill my P.E. credit. I'm not super coordinated, so I figured I'd be bad at it, but anything is better than running. I never run. I would be the first to die in a zombie apocalypse.
As I predicted, I was bad and not nearly as flexible as I thought. That being said, I actually liked it. I almost bumped into people when we were "learning" the choreography (which I really sucked at remembering) but it was pretty cool.
The shit thing about this class were the research papers. It was a month and a half course and we had 2 papers. I think I tried on the first one because it was really short/not supposed to be as detailed. I don't remember what it was about, so either I worked on it the honest way or it wasn't worth bullshitting. The research paper though. GAH. 5 pages on a famous ballerina with I don't remember how many sources.
I hate everything about research papers. Literally everything. I purposely avoided the super famous ballerinas (Isadora Duncan, for instance. Practically invented modern dance, had an unfortunate love of scarfs) because there's far too much info I didn't want to have to sift through. I went to the Houston opera website and picked a random person. I thought it'd be cool to see her in a performance later if I ever got the chance.
Amy Fote. I found where she went to school, that she was graceful, she was the star of a particular ballet. That's all I had. That's not even half a page of information and that's all I could find. I tried writing it multiple times, fully intending on being an honest student, but I couldn't stretch that little amount into five pages. So I did what any other college kid does in that situation- I procrastinated and did it the night before. Rephrase- the morning of.
Yep. I started the paper at 6am and bullshat 5 pages in about 5 hours (mostly because I have annoyingly high standards for myself, so everything had to be perfect). I said she was a beautiful, graceful dancer at least ten times. It's all about synonyms. Find a part you like and just rephrase it again and again and again and again and again until you have enough of that one thought. Move on to the next piece of info. Rephrase that one again and again and again...
I ran out of information to bullshit on, so I had to look up and explain- in great detail- what her most famous role was, how that character fit in with the story, what the story is actually about. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I don't think I made up any sources though.
I finished the paper right at the time I usually left and I thought my heart was going to explode. I've never done anything so close to the deadline up until that point and didn't have time to second guess myself. I just hoped for the best.
A week or so later the professor gave the papers back. I miraculously got a 98. She only knocked points of for getting someone's job title wrong, mostly because the person to whom I was referring to was a giant dick and a personal enemy of my professor.
After class, she asked me to stay behind and talk. I knew I was dead. She was going to murder my face off so hard.
Amy Fote is her son's best friend's girlfriend. They talk regularly. They've known each other for years.
She said she called the best friend to let him know one of her students wrote a paper about his girlfriend. It was really cool hearing that...until I remembered just how much I made up. I offhandedly asked if she had let Amy read it. She said no, but did joke that now Amy is famous.
I'm still a bit surprised it worked, but now I have another BS tactic. Small world though.
As I predicted, I was bad and not nearly as flexible as I thought. That being said, I actually liked it. I almost bumped into people when we were "learning" the choreography (which I really sucked at remembering) but it was pretty cool.
The shit thing about this class were the research papers. It was a month and a half course and we had 2 papers. I think I tried on the first one because it was really short/not supposed to be as detailed. I don't remember what it was about, so either I worked on it the honest way or it wasn't worth bullshitting. The research paper though. GAH. 5 pages on a famous ballerina with I don't remember how many sources.
I hate everything about research papers. Literally everything. I purposely avoided the super famous ballerinas (Isadora Duncan, for instance. Practically invented modern dance, had an unfortunate love of scarfs) because there's far too much info I didn't want to have to sift through. I went to the Houston opera website and picked a random person. I thought it'd be cool to see her in a performance later if I ever got the chance.
Amy Fote. I found where she went to school, that she was graceful, she was the star of a particular ballet. That's all I had. That's not even half a page of information and that's all I could find. I tried writing it multiple times, fully intending on being an honest student, but I couldn't stretch that little amount into five pages. So I did what any other college kid does in that situation- I procrastinated and did it the night before. Rephrase- the morning of.
Yep. I started the paper at 6am and bullshat 5 pages in about 5 hours (mostly because I have annoyingly high standards for myself, so everything had to be perfect). I said she was a beautiful, graceful dancer at least ten times. It's all about synonyms. Find a part you like and just rephrase it again and again and again and again and again until you have enough of that one thought. Move on to the next piece of info. Rephrase that one again and again and again...
I ran out of information to bullshit on, so I had to look up and explain- in great detail- what her most famous role was, how that character fit in with the story, what the story is actually about. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I don't think I made up any sources though.
I finished the paper right at the time I usually left and I thought my heart was going to explode. I've never done anything so close to the deadline up until that point and didn't have time to second guess myself. I just hoped for the best.
A week or so later the professor gave the papers back. I miraculously got a 98. She only knocked points of for getting someone's job title wrong, mostly because the person to whom I was referring to was a giant dick and a personal enemy of my professor.
After class, she asked me to stay behind and talk. I knew I was dead. She was going to murder my face off so hard.
Amy Fote is her son's best friend's girlfriend. They talk regularly. They've known each other for years.
She said she called the best friend to let him know one of her students wrote a paper about his girlfriend. It was really cool hearing that...until I remembered just how much I made up. I offhandedly asked if she had let Amy read it. She said no, but did joke that now Amy is famous.
I'm still a bit surprised it worked, but now I have another BS tactic. Small world though.
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
giraffe(purple/x) < 17-3.754*daisy= SHUT UP
I hate math. Passionately hate it. I'd rather slam my head against a wall until I lose consciousness. That'd be great.
So, when I transferred to this new college, my counselor at the previous one assured me that I was done with math once I passed college algebra. It took several attempts to get through it, but eventually I did. I was so happy/relieved when I was free of it all.
She lied.
Bitch.
I got to my new school and the new counselor (who is directly in charge of my major, unlike the other one who was just a general one) said I still have to take another one. Hooray.
Of course, I've already forgotten a lot of the stuff I had somewhat memorized (but not fully understood). The other fun part is this is largely based on vocabulary and the definitions are awkwardly worded and are overly complex. It's as if they need to make it as lengthy as possible to justify it being a college class instead of high school geometry part 2. This class is even called "Math Reasoning"...
"an angle bisector is a line that starts at the vertex and extends outward to separate an angle into two smaller angles with equal degree measurement for each of the new angles."
Put a line through the middle of the angle. Now those two are the same size. Boom.
I should be in charge of writing math books. Short, sweet, to the point. When you get someone that likes their subject, they explain in far too much detail. Don't ask me about history or english. I can go on for a while. Ask someone who hates the subject- they will always give you the shortest, easiest answer to get through with the conversation as quickly as possible.
For instance, I had a geometry teacher in high school who openly admitted she always hated math growing up. She found and taught the short-cuts because she had tried everything herself. "Think of each problems as a puzzle; it'll make it tolerable." She was definitely one of my best teachers (as far as things I learned. Her personality was a bit abrasive. We got along, but her personality was very different than my own). I will never forget the quadratic formula, thanks to her creating a song.
>to the tune of pop-goes the weasel
(x is equal to the opposite of B, plus or minus the square root of B square minus 4AC, all over 2A.) And yes, I did sing that in my head as I was typing that... because I'm a huge dork.
My other frustration with my current math class is that my book still hasn't come in. It's been a week and a half. The website said 5 days. I hate everyone.
Sadly enough, I'm not a hateful person. I know my constant ranting throughout the previous posts show otherwise, I just have the timing of being irritated when I'm on my computer.
There may or may not be a correlation between the two on that one...
So, when I transferred to this new college, my counselor at the previous one assured me that I was done with math once I passed college algebra. It took several attempts to get through it, but eventually I did. I was so happy/relieved when I was free of it all.
She lied.
Bitch.
I got to my new school and the new counselor (who is directly in charge of my major, unlike the other one who was just a general one) said I still have to take another one. Hooray.
Of course, I've already forgotten a lot of the stuff I had somewhat memorized (but not fully understood). The other fun part is this is largely based on vocabulary and the definitions are awkwardly worded and are overly complex. It's as if they need to make it as lengthy as possible to justify it being a college class instead of high school geometry part 2. This class is even called "Math Reasoning"...
"an angle bisector is a line that starts at the vertex and extends outward to separate an angle into two smaller angles with equal degree measurement for each of the new angles."
Put a line through the middle of the angle. Now those two are the same size. Boom.
I should be in charge of writing math books. Short, sweet, to the point. When you get someone that likes their subject, they explain in far too much detail. Don't ask me about history or english. I can go on for a while. Ask someone who hates the subject- they will always give you the shortest, easiest answer to get through with the conversation as quickly as possible.
For instance, I had a geometry teacher in high school who openly admitted she always hated math growing up. She found and taught the short-cuts because she had tried everything herself. "Think of each problems as a puzzle; it'll make it tolerable." She was definitely one of my best teachers (as far as things I learned. Her personality was a bit abrasive. We got along, but her personality was very different than my own). I will never forget the quadratic formula, thanks to her creating a song.
>to the tune of pop-goes the weasel
(x is equal to the opposite of B, plus or minus the square root of B square minus 4AC, all over 2A.) And yes, I did sing that in my head as I was typing that... because I'm a huge dork.
My other frustration with my current math class is that my book still hasn't come in. It's been a week and a half. The website said 5 days. I hate everyone.
Sadly enough, I'm not a hateful person. I know my constant ranting throughout the previous posts show otherwise, I just have the timing of being irritated when I'm on my computer.
There may or may not be a correlation between the two on that one...
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